The Problem with Everyone Saying Hello First — I was at this cafe last Tuesday and someone literally asked me what my name is before even sitting down which feels like a social violation of protocol because in my family we were taught that you establ

Opening thread commentary.

i get that completely because i had this same experience at a conference last spring where someone kept asking me 'so what do you actually do' within ten seconds of meeting and it felt like my entire value was being reduced to a job title before we could even figure out if there was any actual chemistry or common ground. the thing is i think the aggressive opener culture comes from people who are uncomfortable with silence and they try to fill it with questions as a defense mechanism — it's not always hostility, sometimes it's anxiety about what happens when no one is talking. but that doesn't mean you have to let someone jump past your boundaries. I started answering broad questions with equally broad answers like 'oh i'm in the creative field and you?' which gives them a vague direction without giving away anything personal, and surprisingly it worked better than just being blunt or withdrawing entirely because it sets an implicit limit that people usually pick up on within a minute or two if they pay attention.

I get it, this happens to me too.

wait so i think im kind of on both sides because like — okay first off that cafe story is wild but also i totally get wanting to observe before engaging and actually it makes me wonder if most 'friendly' people are just nervous too which would mean the interrogation feeling comes from their insecurity not malice? my brother always says hi to everyone he meets so i thought that was normal until a stranger asked about my parents at lunch once last month and honestly that crossed a line. but then i also get