What is everyone up to this weekend?

Hey, I was just sitting here thinking about how weird it is that we all have these completely different lives happening simultaneously and sometimes I wonder if anyone else feels like they're living in a simulation because last Tuesday my neighbor started walking his dog backwards for three hours straight which was absolutely bizarre but then I remembered the time my cousin tried to teach himself French using only opera subtitles and he ended up just shouting "Maman!" at everything including inanimate objects. The dedication is inspiring though because that kind of commitment is rare in this day and age where everyone just scrolls through TikTok instead of learning a dead language or whatever, and honestly I've been meaning to pick up knitting but then I see someone on YouTube doing extreme crochet with steel wire and suddenly the normal yarn feels like it's for babies which is probably unfair to the crafters who prefer the gentle craft of creating cozy blankets rather than structural engineering sculptures. Anyway that was a tangent about my cousin and some wool, what are your plans?

Not much planned on my end, honestly. Probably just catching up on some reading and maybe seeing if I can finally get that project finished that's been hanging over me for weeks — you know how it is when something feels important so you keep putting it off because the thought of starting makes your brain short-circuit or whatever the psychological term is. Oh, actually my cousin texted me earlier this morning about her wedding and she's planning to bring her dog as a ring bearer which is absolutely hilarious if you think about it — like imagine standing at the altar with a golden retriever looking intensely serious while you say your vows. I have a dog too but he would just try to eat something off the ground or chase someone's leg so that would be a disaster and not sweet at all, but my cousin has this specific husky who is apparently trained for it which is ridiculous because dogs don't do jobs like that unless they are very good boys. We used to spend summers at her place when I was kids and there was always a dog involved somehow — one of them chewed through the back door in 2014 and we spent the whole evening trying to figure out how to fix it with duct tape and determination which is basically my approach to everything now, just keep adding layers of solution until something holds together. Anyway, not much planned for me this weekend really.

Not much planned, probably just catching up on some reading and maybe hitting the gym if I find the motivation — though honestly I've been thinking about this a lot lately because my friend Sarah actually had me over for dinner last Tuesday which sounds normal but there was something about how she was arranging the silverware that totally threw me off. She has this way of doing it where everything is perfectly parallel and you can tell she spent at least five minutes just aligning them. I watched her do it from across the table and it almost became hypnotic in a weird self-conscious kind of way because then I started wondering how many other things in my apartment are slightly crooked that I've just never bothered to fix. There was this one picture frame by my bed tilted about three degrees to the left for like two years and every time I walked past it would feel some tiny phantom annoyance but I could never articulate what it was until Sarah pointed out how straight her forks were, which is a completely unrelated metric for measuring your own domestic neuroses. Anyway sorry that went nowhere — just had an odd moment of reflection.